tavie.com

We had two grandmothers. They weren't the active sort of grandmothers. They were pretty old and both pretty infirm most of the time I knew them. I loved them a lot, but I never really knew what it was to have one of those "active" grandmas that would go out and play with you and bake with you and stuff like that.

Except for Mrs. Blake. Mrs. Blake was my aunt's best friend's mother. She was like a second mom to Tante Joan; they were that kind of close, that kind of important, because Ang and TJ are friends the way Steph and I (and Steph and Kirsten) are - more family than friends, more sisters than anything. TJ and Ang have been friends for 40 years. So Mrs. Blake was very special. She was the active grandma. She was at my parents' wedding, she held and played with Kirsten and me as babies and growing up she sent us presents every Christmas. We only saw her a couple times a year, mostly at Christmas, to do our traditional cookie-baking. We saw her at other times in the year too, once in awhile, because she lived in the same neighborhood as Tante Joan in Westchester. They liked to go outlet shopping at Woodbury Commons; sometimes we went, too.

When my grandmothers died, I didn't go to their funerals. Grandma Eva died when we were 10. Grandma Jean died when we were 16. Kirsten went to her funeral, but I did not. I made a decision not to. It was very hard to see her in the hospital, the last time I saw her, and I didn't want to remember her like that any more. I know it sounds strange and maybe selfish. But it was my way of honoring her and to me it made sense. I stayed home by myself and I poured water on Dad's hands out on the street when he came back from the funeral.

This is all to say that I grew up a little today in a strange, small little way when I went to Mrs. Blake's wake. It was my first. It was open casket, which was a tiny shock to my system. Mrs. Blake had an identical twin sister, which was also a tiny shock. Aunt Mae even had the same soft speaking voice as her sister.

I was glad to be there and see Ang and Sable and be with Tante Joan and remember Mrs Blake. There were beautiful pictures from her life of her and her family and friends, of which she had many. There was even a picture of me at the age of three, sitting on Mrs Blake's lap in front of a Christmas tree.

Right when we got up to leave, Aunt Mae got up and knelt at her sister's casket. And suddenly I was crying, and I rushed to hug everyone goodbye and went to stand at the door to leave. It sounds very personal and maybe I shouldn't share it here, but it was the fact of one twin. One twin is the saddest thing I can think of. And it made me miss my sister very much, and it made me sad for Aunt Mae very much.

I won't ever forget Mrs. Blake because one of my earliest memories in life is of playing with her on a jungle gym outside Ang's house. I learned more about her life today than I ever knew, and I only wish I had known it in time to tell her how amazing and courageous I think she was.

Labels: Requiescat in pacem

Why are you in Tavie's head? 10:48 PM | shower me with attention